From as far back as I can remember, I felt different—as though I saw and experienced the world more intensely and more personally than the people around me. My 'differences' became more pronounced at age 7, when I found myself facing a series of traumatic circumstances I was ill equipped to handle. With no way of understanding or questioning what was going on, I started to believe something was profoundly wrong with me.
The next many decades found me battling a hefty dose of depression and anxiety. My mental health challenges yielded myriad diagnoses, some helpful, most not. The psychiatrists I saw insisted that my 'condition' would be permanent for me, and the best I could hope for was a drug to help minimize the symptoms. After a prolonged Rx roller coaster however, it became clear that my healing would not come in pill form.
I proceeded to read every hopeful-sounding self-help book, try every available therapy and healing modality, and attend far too many wellness workshops in search of a cure. I’d get relief then backslide, find the ‘answer’ then lose it just as quickly. Nothing stuck, and managing my mental health was becoming an ever more demanding job. Clearly, my healing would not come from the outside.
Fixing my “brokenness” would have to be done from the inside out — with me as the guide.